After my second c-section, I was so traumatized and ruined by the process that I was convinced i didn’t want any more children.
When we firmly decided to add baby #3 to out family we had just moved from New Orleans to Long Island. I was wrongly convinced that the climate would be better here.
Almost a year before we were ready to TTC I began doing my homework. I called doctors and midwives and I kept getting roadblocks. None of the hospitals were allowing doctors to do VBA2C and the midwives couldn’t do VBAC at home. I reached out to the local ICAN chapter for reccomendations and support. Through ICAN I found the name of an OB/GYN who was reported to do VBA2C. I met with him in January and it was a great meeting. He sat with me for nearly an hour discussing VBAC. I left with a sense of relief but still a gnawing sensation. Something wasn’t sitting right. I knew that it was because he was still a doctor, a trained surgeon who was taught in medical school that birth is a medical procedure, not a natural act. His question of WHY I wanted a VBA2C wasn’t sitting right with me. Still, at the time he was my only option without going into Manhattan, a feat I was actually weighing in my mind.
In some sort of swoop of divine intervention, we ended up having to wait nearly a year in between when we wanted to start TTC and when we were able. Looking back now it was the BEST thing that could have happened.
In March I got an email from the local ICAN leader stating that one hospital was now allowing VBA2C. She only knew of one midwife currently doing them there but would follow up on others.
Soon enough I found myself pregnant. Of course, I called that midwife and made an appointment. I met with her, happy to have the opportunity to have a midwife. After our first meeting I really liked her but I wasn’t sure if we were the right fit. I picked up the phone to call another midwifery practice. The next day I got a phone call back and made an appointment for my interview with J.
I immediately clicked with her. I felt a sense of calm and belonging. After our meeting I went home and made a list of pros and cons regarding each midwife. I talked it out with a friend and halfway through our conversation I realized I knew my choice was J without even thinking about it.
Here I am now at 19 weeks and even though things are falling into place I’m still nervous that suddenly the plug will be pulled and I’ll be forced back under the knife. What if the placenta is near my scar? What if I develop GD? What if I start dialating early and need a cerclage? What if I get high blood pressure? What if, what if, what if….
I’ve hired a doula for labor support. J will be there at the hospital with me the whole time. I’m studying hypnobirthing. My only hang up mentally is the hospital. That really deserves it’s own post.